Una din cele mai grele ascultări e tăcerea. Tăcerea, pentru o femeie, pentru mine, e grea. Există întotdeauna tendinţa de a-ţi pierde sinele în mărunţişuri, în vorbărie goală, insipidă, fără rost. Logoree care disipează esenţa. Tristă îndeletnicire a uneia a cărei pasiune sunt cuvintele. Pervertire, la urma urmei. Şi o înşelătoare uitare.
Logosul e sfânt... Prin Cuvântul întrupat ne-am mântuit. Unde s-a pierdut capacitatea creatoare a cuvântului? Unde e Cuvântul din inimile noastre? Unde e Hristos, în fond?
Spuneam nu demult celui pe care îl iubesc că eu mă deşertez prin cuvinte, în speranţa că aşa el va avea acces la sinele meu. Am realizat apoi că greşisem. El vrea tăcere - iar tăcerea asta e cea care face posibilă comunicarea din adânc, existenţială, spirituală, mai presus de fire. Nu hărmălaia ce o făceam eu mereu - un imens obstacol şi subtil, extrem de subtil egoism.
Călugării vorbesc doar când sunt întrebaţi. Sau măcar cei ce şi-au luat asupră-le minunata nevoinţă a tăcerii. O tăcere în care Domnul descoperă şi Maica-Fecioară povăţuieşte. Să tăcem deci, şi să-l lăsăm şi pe Bunelul să zică ceva. Că săracul, la cât tot trăncănim, nu prea mai are când să contribuie şi El gândurilor noastre.
Doamne ajută!
I dream of gold and of leaves...
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thinking for thinking's sake
I've been thinking these past days. I've been thinking long enough and late enough to miss some things that perhaps I should have not. I've been writing, too, which I haven't decided yet if it's a good or bad thing. We'll see.
As a rule, you must know that I talk too much. Some say I hyperanalyze things and thoughts and gestures. Perhaps I do, but that is how I am. Change at any rate is good, if it is done to serve a higher purpose than change itself - draw a parallel, if you wish, with "art for art's sake". And it's yabbering versus me locking myself up in the depths of my uncounsciousness, far, far away from the world. I either give all, or nothing at all. And I'd rather have the former than the latter, though the means are a bit deficient and badly chosen.
We have started walking on a road that I once knew where it will lead us... I had then a certainty naught could shake. Then doubts came, your manner of handling some things came, and I started censoring myself. And now... now I decided to bring back our beginning and make it even fairer. And after all, I think I know again where the road will end. It may be that a hope that stubbornly refuses to die will eventually become reality - it has been so in the past, so why wouldn't it be so in the future? We are given in the measure of our hope... "Fie mila Ta spre noi precum am nadajduit si noi intru Tine."
On another note, here's what I found today: http://www.lumeacredintei.com/sct_4/art_1230/criza_noastr_major_este_una_moral_i.htm . I was rather surprised to find it (pleasantly so, by all means).
And now we wait for the unfolding of the dream, until the dreamer wakes and finds...
As a rule, you must know that I talk too much. Some say I hyperanalyze things and thoughts and gestures. Perhaps I do, but that is how I am. Change at any rate is good, if it is done to serve a higher purpose than change itself - draw a parallel, if you wish, with "art for art's sake". And it's yabbering versus me locking myself up in the depths of my uncounsciousness, far, far away from the world. I either give all, or nothing at all. And I'd rather have the former than the latter, though the means are a bit deficient and badly chosen.
We have started walking on a road that I once knew where it will lead us... I had then a certainty naught could shake. Then doubts came, your manner of handling some things came, and I started censoring myself. And now... now I decided to bring back our beginning and make it even fairer. And after all, I think I know again where the road will end. It may be that a hope that stubbornly refuses to die will eventually become reality - it has been so in the past, so why wouldn't it be so in the future? We are given in the measure of our hope... "Fie mila Ta spre noi precum am nadajduit si noi intru Tine."
On another note, here's what I found today: http://www.lumeacredintei.com/sct_4/art_1230/criza_noastr_major_este_una_moral_i.htm . I was rather surprised to find it (pleasantly so, by all means).
And now we wait for the unfolding of the dream, until the dreamer wakes and finds...
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Recollections and confessions
Love is very simple, as a rule. The by-word for love is sacrifice. The highest degree of love is not desiring perpetual (even if innocent) touch between the two lovers, but a spiritual communion - to feel the other like yourself, to give up your own desires in favour of the other's happiness. To have the desire to give up love itself so that the other might be saved. Everything revolves around one's soul... At least in our world. Or so it should be.
Perhaps I'm being too idealistic though. Well, I AM too idealistic as a rule. *giggle* Hm... time tells everything one needs to know, if one sits and listens to it. Do I regret what I have done and where I've gotten? Certainly. There is a great degree of foolishness in being impatient, because it can get you to where it has gotten me.
This is a new beginning. A fresh start, as they say. We begin anew with the hope for the best. With hope, especially. And on my part, let it be with realism also. I forgot caution and espoused uncontrolled optimism. We cannot see the future - as such, all we can do is wait. And He always proves the wait well-worth it.
So I leave you for now, pondering on sacrifice and beginnings and the fair sunshine outside my window. Pondering on the blue skies where He always lies. Doamne ajuta in everything!
P.S. I'm not referring to modern or even youthful love. I'm talking about perfection, about how the One Most High loves us - and how we ourselves should love. But we so seldom do. Saints are rare and hard to find. But each of us has the chance and priviledge to become one. Where there's a will there's a way. :)
Perhaps I'm being too idealistic though. Well, I AM too idealistic as a rule. *giggle* Hm... time tells everything one needs to know, if one sits and listens to it. Do I regret what I have done and where I've gotten? Certainly. There is a great degree of foolishness in being impatient, because it can get you to where it has gotten me.
This is a new beginning. A fresh start, as they say. We begin anew with the hope for the best. With hope, especially. And on my part, let it be with realism also. I forgot caution and espoused uncontrolled optimism. We cannot see the future - as such, all we can do is wait. And He always proves the wait well-worth it.
So I leave you for now, pondering on sacrifice and beginnings and the fair sunshine outside my window. Pondering on the blue skies where He always lies. Doamne ajuta in everything!
P.S. I'm not referring to modern or even youthful love. I'm talking about perfection, about how the One Most High loves us - and how we ourselves should love. But we so seldom do. Saints are rare and hard to find. But each of us has the chance and priviledge to become one. Where there's a will there's a way. :)
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